October is almost gone...

Can you believe it? Some days seem to really drag but the year is almost over! I started buying Christmas gifts a little at a time. Nothing huge--I can't afford huge and over the top this year. It's been a tough year financially, not to mention wage freezes at work, so everyone will be getting one "big" gift and a few small gifts this year. My sister and I are going to do what we did last year as well--just wrap the gifts with someone's name on it so no one in particular gets credit for buying it. My sister & I don't "keep track" of who gets the most gifts but we're always concerned we don't do enough for people.

This month has been very hectic. I mentioned we lost a family friend in my last entry. Part of the emotional roller coaster that week that I surprisingly failed to mention was we lost our dog of 15 years, Thistle, on Friday, September 11th. She's had a tough couple of years and she couldn't handle it anymore. I have a shadowbox I want to do with a few of her things and I'll be sure to share photos when I do. God really knew what He was doing, though--I have to hand it to Him. I may not like what He has planned, but it's in His hands for a reason.

You see, Thistle had become grumpy. Our dear girl was rather blind and deaf (not completely, but it had become pretty bad). She was unhappy with having three dogs run around the house and very often there would be fights with one of them in a struggle for power. We have four dogs, which makes a pack. My sister is the head of the pack (you think I'm joking?) and her dog wanted to be Top Dog. Clover knew Thistle was ill and this often created tension between them, ending up in fights. There were two the night before Thistle had to leave us, too. She would have been even more unhappy had we brought another dog into the house.

And then came Patches. Patches was Velma's dog and for years we told Velma not to worry--that if Patches was still around when she passed away that we'd take her, no questions ask. And we stuck to that. Patches is a sweet dog, about eleven, and she's fit rather well into the house. She's had a couple of tiffs but all in all it's working so far. We're still getting to know her and her personality--for example, no matter how angry Thistle was, she never bit me if I picked her up when she was angry, aside from the last year or so when she became so blind she was unable to tell who or what was coming at her, and even then it was only if we were breaking up a fight (I know, I know! First rule of owning dogs: Never break up a fight. But they're so little it's hard not to, and so we usually just end up picking one up to stop it). I don't trust Patches like that yet--but then again, Thistle grew up with us and I knew her like the back of my hand.

My sister says Patches looks like Stitch from Lilo & Stitch when she grabs food, and she does! Her teeth look like little pointy razors--and if you hold more than one treat out to her she'll do a darned good job at grabbing both instead of just the one that's meant for her. The transition is working because she's so attached to my dad and I think having her to fawn over helps with the pain of losing Thistle.

We inherited a few pieces of furniture and bits and bobs from Velma as well, which has thrown the house into a state of upheaval. We were so focused on getting Velma's house cleaned up that we really didn't have the time or energy to work on ours. And then I made it worse. I got a "big girl bed."

I've had a twin bed my entire life. Most recently I have had a captain's bed. I had one when I was younger and I was ecstatic to find one about almost eight years ago when I was senior in high school. So this twin bed, with lots of storage, had to come out of my room. And to fit my new full-sized bed in my room my big desk had to come out--a desk I'd bought precisely because it was so heavy if I ran into it, it hurt me, I didn't hurt the computer. And my garage sale hopechest didn't fit, either, so out that came.

So all of the things I stored had to come out from under the bed, out from the desk drawers, out from under the desk, out from in the hopechest, and off the top of the hopechest. A second hand desk was moved in from my sister's room, significantly smaller than mine had been. And since then I've been fiddling in my room, trying to pack things I'll need later, setting aside items for my various collections, and purging anything I don't need anymore or anything I come across where my first reaction is, "What was I thinking!?"

On that same token, a few things are still coming in! My awesome sister bought my aforementioned mattress set (while simultaneously finding a coworker to buy my beloved captain's bed my old back can no longer handle), my wonderful mother bought me a bedframe to lift the bed up and my sister and I found some long plastic tubs for storage that slide under the bed perfectly. I have one for Christmas gifts (I told you I was starting early! And no peeking, anyone, either!), one for Photographs, and one for Craft Supplies (because let's face it--no matter how big of a craft area in another part of the house we might get I still want something to fiddle with in my room!).

Have you seen the new Martha Stewart Glitter?! I'm obsessed with Glitter and hers is at the top of my list! Though trust me, I'll buy anything that sparkles. I walked into Walgreens for a $5 pair of panty hose and walked out with two vials of Fantasy Makers Confetti glitter for your face but for which I intend to use in resin. I spent about $12 and walked out without any pantyhose. And then my sister bribed me into going to Micheals last week. And I spent most of non-bill money on Glitter, and lots of it. And she did, too! Micheal's has this great kit of smaller sized Martha Stewart glitter for about $30 (I got mine for $15 with a 1/2 off coupon).

Suddenly, there's more! For about $20 you can get new glitter! Microbeads, the long thin confetti that reminds me of Christmas, stars and hearts, and neon colors. Oh, my! Over the course of 2 days my sister and I made trips with our 40% off coupons in order to purchase all but one of these new sets--and that's because the other had been sold out before we discovered them. I can't find an image of it to show you (it's under the bed and it'd be a pain to take a photo of at this time of night) but I have discovered a new brand of glitter I'm going to look into purchasing (Sugar Coating) and I've bookmarked Two Peas in a Bucket so if my Micheal's doesn't get all this new Martha Stewart Christmas Glitter in, then I'll be buying it from her!

I also bought a few (haha, few??) eyeshadows from BeautyFromTheEarth.com. They're discontinuing some of their eye shadows and since it's literally the only brand of eye shadow I use, I took this opportunity to stock up on them. There's a giveaway going on right now in celebration of 50 followers. You have the opportunity to win a $50 package from BeautyFromTheEarth.com and LittleDivaTutus.com So go check it out! I'm pretty sure I implied how much I love BFTE eyeshadows since I own so many. Maybe someday I'll take a photo and you can gasp in amazement at my packrattiness over eyeshadow.

I know I had more good news but, quite frankly, it's 3:30 in the morning and usually I'm getting up at 4:30 am (see what a couple extra days off does to my sleep cycle?? I'm a natural night owl!). This post is pretty long so maybe in the next day or so I'll do another. For now, congratulations on getting through this post! And go check out that giveaway and make yourself a BFTE order (and a Little Diva Tutu's one as well if you've got a child! Though I'm tempted to get one for Winnie for when she "dances"!!)

How Is Your Week Going?

I've had a pretty emotional week--a complete roller coaster. Work, home, you name it, I'm pretty stressed out about it. However! There are a couple of ups to my week.

I went to the movies by myself to see the latest Sandra Bullock flick, "All About Steve." Did you read that? ALL ALONE. And you know what? It was good. The aloneness, I mean. And it turned out I wasn't alone in being alone--I sat in the front row alone and there was another girl in the back alone. The whole time. I think I'll be doing that more often.

The film itself wasn't the best, however, I did like how weird Sandra Bullock's character was. I think I've only seen one movie I didn't like that she was in, maybe two? She's definitely my favorite actress. The best part of the movie, though, was how weird she was! Because trust me. I'm very weird! And it's just nice to see it once in a while. Kinda verifies that it's okay for me to be weird. (If you haven't watched meekakitty on YouTube you need to! I wish I was that brave. (Don't feel sorry for me. The only I get, the more okay I am with being weird in public. Just be warned.)

My amazing photos arrived today as well! I finally got to put together the trio of photos I've been wanting to do for my dad. He has his Sharks memorabilia at work and I asked if I framed some of my photographs would he put them up? And he said yes. He chose Nabby, Thornton (Cheechoo behind him is a bonus) and JR (who retired this year, and what better photo of him than with my dad?!). I also ordered the photos Dad & I took with Setoguchi (SQUEE!!) but I need to purchase frames for those before he can put them up. Because it would look silly to be so pretty (read: I ordered the metallic sheen on them) and be taped to a wall. Also, Winifred wouldn't move so she insisted I take her photograph.

Next!


I tried Nutella. I never would have bought this myself without tasting it first but since my sister brought it home I tasted it. And holy moly! How have I lived without this stuff? I tried it on toast tonight and it was oh so good! This will be the death of me. I do insist, however, it is not a breakfast food and hope people don't use it that way. Because...wow. I'd be twice the size I am now if that were the case. I think it will be good, though, for a late night snack when I want something sweet but I still need something filling.

Another fabulous pick-me-up today was from the very talented MandiBeads on Etsy! She makes these awesome beaded pens and beautiful journals. She had a drawing on her blog to win a pen and I was! Yay, me! I will take lots of photos and show it off when it gets here, but I'm very excited. So check out her website, and also check out her blog because she's doing yet another giveaway! Her latest entry has a triple cupcake pen she did and I love it so. I picked out a cupcake one for myself so you know I have to love her triple one! I plan on buying a couple of her pens for Christmas gifts (I'm trying to start my shopping early! I started last week!) but I know all two of my lovely readers (Hi, Mom! Hi, Val!) will want to check out her stuff.

Is it weird I write like I'm writing for more people than I know is actually reading this? Ah, well. That's part of what makes me weird, I guess!
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Dust Clouds, He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named & Invader Zim

I had a strange dream this morning. One of those ones where it doesn’t seem real, the kind where you have a sense you’re stuck inside of a movie, but you still can’t wake up from it. It was strange from the start.

I was standing on a dirt road, staring into the distance, aware of the buildings on either side. They weren’t quite “old western” type houses but they were still older looking. Far away I could see an enormous cloud of dust rapidly traveling towards me. I had this overwhelming fear of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, even though it looked more like the sand storm created in The Mummy. That’s when I started screaming.

I ran to my room, which was more like a hotel room than an actual bedroom, where I started pulling down blinds so when the dust storm past Voldemort wouldn’t be able to see me. There were so many windows and so little of them covered, so many broken slats and jammed blinds. I tried tucking blankets into them but it wasn’t working and the sand storm was coming closer. I could hear the screaming of other people and bright lights.

The headboard of the bed was pushed against the wall underneath two large windows I hadn’t adequately covered. I literally threw myself beside the foot of the bed, crouching down as low as I could, crying, scared, trying not to be seen. Spotlights were flashing and I could hear a booming voice making demands of those the lights focused on.

Ch-chunk! A chick with a gun was standing next to me. My eyes widened in horror, terrified she was going to make me stand up. Felicia Day (or more accurately, her character from Dollhouse’s Epitaph One dressed almost like Lara Croft) was standing there, badass like, with a huge gun.

I don’t know what she asked but I shook my head just the same. The thought ran through my head that this was just a drill, role playing. “I thought I could do it,” I told her, tears streaming down my face, “but I can’t. I just…can’t.” Felicia squatted next to me and pointed the gun at the windows. The spotlights were here.

The bright lights shown through the broken blinds, blinding me, breaking the pitch-black darkness I’d been trying to find cover in. A whispered conversation was interrupted by a deep, electronic voice urging me to come out. It seemed like an eternity—and truly felt like He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named wanted to add me to his collection of those he’d taken down. I still can’t figure out the purpose of the dust cloud—was it an exercise, or was he really after us? And if it was an exercise, what in heaven’s name was I supposed to be doing? Fighting a dust and lights?

When the lights finally continued on Felicia stood up. She wasn’t wearing shoes for some reason and decided to try mine on so she could walk outside. She put her foot in one of my Invader Zim shoes—Gir’s silly face stamped on the top of a bright-green slip on. She smiled down at it and asked if she could take it. As much as it pained me I told her yes, besides, she had a gun! I wondered if Hot Topic would have in more in stock—I’d have to replace them. Not only did I love those shoes but would my sister believe me when I told her how they were lost?

I pointed to the disgarded shoe, “There’s the other one.”

“I just need one,” she told me.

“Don’t you want both?” Why on earth would she want just one?

Felicia smiled at her now-lime green foot, “He’s my friend,” she told me, as if that explained everything. And so, with bad-ass Felicia Day staring down at one Invader Zim shoe on her foot, having just been passed over by dust-cloud Voldemort, I woke up.

I still cannot fathom why my brain put together that combination of items for a dream but when I woke up this morning I decided to wear my Invader Zim shoes. Just in case.

Frighteningly Cliche

My neighbor gave me a heart attack this morning. Cue: Full fledge movie gasp.

I leave the house at just after 5:30 in the morning. It’s dark outside, and I am always paranoid that someone’s going to jump out at me. Why me? I don’t know. Too many crime television shows, I guess. In any case I always look around.

I spent this weekend working on catching up on Season One of Dollhouse so I’ll be able to follow the storyline when it premieres on Friday. People on that show are always getting snuck up on, hit or kidnapped so when I walked onto the front porch this morning I was more aware of my surroundings than I usually am. Or I thought I was.

I glanced around while I locked the front door, looked around my car and up and down the street when I walked down the short path. I even glanced at the neighbor’s yard and saw nothing more than bushes. And then I gasped.

My elderly neighbor was standing in front of her window, outside by the bushes. I couldn’t make anything out other than shadows and she just…watched. I tried to calm my nerves and say, “Good morning,” but inside my heart was racing and I was shaking up—all those clichés you read about that you swear don’t exist. I opened the car door ready to sit down for a moment but then she spoke.

“Are you up late?” She asked, slowly moving towards me. If she’d have been a criminal I certainly would have been dead—how had I not seen her standing there? I’m taking my pepper spray out to the car with me in the morning, I’ve decided. It’s not staying in my purse anymore. And if she scares me again and I react with it in my hand, then, it’s not my fault. Surely the cops would understand if I explained she snuck up on me twice.

“No, I’m on my way to work,” I explained, throwing my purse in the car.

“Were you up late last night?” She asked again, trying to clarify her meaning.

“No, I go to bed early,” I said, though I’m still a night owl that has to pry herself out of bed at 4:30 every morning.

“I heard someone,” she moved towards her house. “Like this.” She rapped twice on the wood below her window. My chest felt heavy, kind of panicky. I had heels on for the first time in months and she insisted I follow her up the driveway even though I’d been half crouched down to is. She motioned me to stand below her bathroom window. I tell her I didn’t hear anyone, that my parents were up late up but they were inside the house, not outside. Geez, I was bad enough about thinking someone was going to grab me when I tried to get in my car, didn’t she know this?

“I heard it here,” she explained, grabbing the loose end of her bathroom screen and pulling, then pushing it back in, trying to force it to stay. My mind raced and for a split second my mind pictured someone in all black trying to pry the screen from the little bathroom window—as if it were low enough for them to crawl into, or big enough for them to fit. Her next words eased all my fears.

“I guess I should get used to it, it’s been happening for years…” Paranoia confirmed, my heartbeat slowed back to normal.

“That’s not something you should have to get used to,” I babbled. “But, you know, this is a busy street. There’s a lot of things going on here at night. I slept in my sister’s room last night and heard talking, radios and car alarms…there’s just a lot of activity on this street.” She stayed silent and I slowly edged towards my car.

“I’ve got to get to work…”

Silence.

I sat and closed the door, buckling and quickly turning the car on, not even waiting for the window to defog before I backed down the driveway. My neighbor was strange…the kind you hear about in fairy tales. Not the eating children ones, but maybe the kind where they end up with Boo Radley like reputations because they’re so strange. Either way, I’ve never been so happy to arrive at work, to be around people who—I hope—won’t sneak up on me so silently.

Website Issues

In an effort to take my mind off things the last couple of days I've been tinkering with my website. And it's frustrating. Why does the entire table move over when I make my lists (like of Meg Cabot's books)? The table sizes are the same on every page, yet on a few they move over to the right, the whole thing, so they don't line up when you click from one page to the next. I also had to solve some weird issue the Blog Links page had--they kept opening in new windows and I never asked them to.

It doesn't take too long to create a new page but it will if it keeps going crooked like that! It's late and I wanted to be asleep (or trying to be asleep) 45 minutes ago. This apparently is not going to happen any time soon, and I'm too exhausted and worn out to write anything else. I'll merely quote the title of a book I read when I was younger: Longer Letter Later.

P.S. I got a comment by someone weird and my trash can is not showing up so I can delete individual comments. For now, comments are going into moderation. I get only a few so this shouldn't be overwhelming to approve them, and I will sort this out as soon as possible.

Melancholy

My sister and I have begun weekly challenges between the two of us--not competitions. Last weeks, though not a success was not a complete failure, was no sweets. I lasted 6 days with no chocolate. Not bad.

This week's is to write something every day. This is what I wrote after a long day in which a family friend passed away. I realize there might be a few too many repetitive words so please excuse them; I'm re-training myself in the art of writing after a rather long hiatus. I just want to write something down, anything. That's half the battle.

She was a feisty woman with a strong mind. She was stubborn and knew what she wanted. She'd been alive for eighty-four years and was well set in her own ways.

Cancer had silently invaded her body but had only recently been discovered. Two spots, stage four liver cancer. When she asked what they could do for her it had been tactfully explained that there was no stage five.

She ended up in the hospital in pain and moved to the rehabilitation center only three days prior. It was expected she would reside in the center a minimum of two weeks for observation. She wanted badly to go home, to live with her beloved dog and sleep in her own bed. Her caretakers knew they'd have to hire a nurse and were in the beginning stages of preparation.

Her illness was to be long, drawn-out. Everyone involved had had experiences of their own with sick family members or friends. There was a period of suffering, of pain, that was difficult for the patient and even harder for the onlookers.

The catalyst for the change seemed to be the fall early Friday morning or late Thursday night. The fiercely independent woman refused to wait a sufficient amount of time for assistance to use the bathroom. Her feet twisted wrong and down she went, landing hard on her hip. An x-ray had been taken but nothing was to be done unless it was fractured. Options were to be explained the doctor's next weekday rounds, pushed to Tuesday because of the Labor Day holiday.

Saturday the same tall woman was confined to her bed, unable to sit or stand without hurt. Her pale complexion had several individuals informing loved ones the end would be sooner than expected, but even then it looked like a matter of days. A visit with her revealed that, although a bit confused, she was quite capable of sharing her opinion on a variety of topics and fully understood the medical advice given to her by the nurse.

The look in her eyes was difficult to take in. She'd gotten herself into a pickle that she couldn't get out of. There would be no surprising the doctors and walking again, no more independence that was once so vital to her well-being. It was easy to sense the hope this woman had when she was admitted had been lost in the fall.

A heart-wrenching expression filled her face, her usually straight lips turned down at the corners in sadness. She admitted she wasn't going home disappointed she wasn't able to. When she found out her dog was being brought for a visit she whispered, "I'd like to see my Patchie," tears in her eyes. Her beloved dogg was a bright spot in such deary circumstances.

The next morning the rehabilitation center called. She wasn't doing well. The doctor was on his was.

Just that morning she'd been pulling at the rings on her swollen fingers, alert. By 8:30 am she lay asleep, her mouth agape. Movement of cheek-to-cheek hugs, kisses and whispers in her ear did nothing to disturb her sleep. Where was she? Lost in dreams? Simply unconscious--or could she hear her loved ones visiting?

A call was placed and within minutes her furry companion was crawling over her legs, stretching towards her face before settling at her feet. What was going through the dog's mind--did she know, was she content to merely lay by her side, or was she waiting for her mommy to reaach for her?

Her open mouth dried her tongue and it was carefully whetted, in thoughts that she might try to swallow after breathing through it for so long. Conversation continued for just a moment, a head turned, and hearts skipped a beat. When her shallow breathing had stopped completely. Surrounded by friends so close they were family, holding out to feel the fur of her creature friend one last time, her body no longer struggled. She was gone.

The long, unexpected fight had ended short and sweet instead, with dignity. There was little pain, certainly that had been expected she would go through, and no morphine. It was what everyone hopes for when it's their turn to face our Savior.

One moment she was herself, but without breath and lifeless. Two minutes later she was only a body, no longer herself, a shell that housed a flown soul. "She was gone long before she left," someone said. The tears released the pent up tension and bottled up emotion of those left behind. Automatic pilot switched on. Calls were to be made, final bills paid, arrangements to be settled and the government to be notified.

The end of an era had come and gone. With this woman went stories, connections and memories she had collected for eight and a half decades. A life lost, a history gone, and those who remembered her left to pick up the pieces of what she'd left behind.

Home Sweet Home

The week went by fast. I've left my grandparents and the quiet city of Redding to come back home. I feel like it was just a couple of days instead that I left. Aside from The Cardboard Incident, the drive home was without incident (and once again I managed to get us to our destination without switching off drivers...this only makes me feel even more sheltered than I usually feel).

I have not had a week of nothing planned for ages. I felt like I was on spring break from school, but without the obligatory "What I Did..." report. I don't have much to show for my vacation and for once I don't feel guilty about it.

My dad and I ventured out to the dam the other day and stopped by the river on our way back. The city has put up a water park by the river so it's no longer as accessible from our normal spot as it once was. I'll dip my toes in the water another time I guess--this area of the shore was claimed by geese and guarded by the largest spiders I've ever seen "in real life," photos not included. I'm not a fan of spiders, especially ones that look like they could swallow my pinky finger whole.

I dragged my father to two different book stores one day and the Salvation Army. Cal's books was my favorite--stacks and rooms and shelves of books! That second hand bookstore only adds fuel to the fire of the library in my head (bedroom? Who needs a bedroom when you can have a whole room of BOOKS!). I coerced my grandmother into telling my dad it was necessary to stop at Lisa's Book Nook the next day because I had already read two of the three books I'd picked out, and two of the three I'd bought. I could have returned Thursday for another book but I held back.

I have several pages of writings that may or may not turn into anything. If they don't, at least I have the pages and if they do, good for me. What the past week did was bring back my urgency to write. I missed that. The Cardboard Incident made me want to pull over and write what I was thinking (I usually write in my head, very rarely jotting anything down). I settled with pulling into a rest area when it was over and texting it to my email since my dad was so anxious to continue on. If I were alone I probably would have sat in on a picnic table and written at least a few sentences down, no matter how badly my parking spot was wanted.

I also have a stack of books I read that marked how I spent much of my time:
The Host by Stephanie Meyers -- by the author of the Twilight books.
While I feel like the Twilight series was a waste of time (that I never would have finished if I knew I couldn't read them all so quickly, I finished them in a few days) I enjoyed, and even recommend, this book. I'd compare it to the Invasion of the Body Snatchers if I had actually seen that movie. Ian turned out to be my favorite character.

Losing My Mind : An Intimate Look at Life with Alzheimer's by Thomas DeBaggio
This was a difficult read because my great grandmother had this disease. We're not sure yet if Alzheimer's runs in the family or if it was a genetic fluke that she had to struggle through it, but that fear is always in the back of our throats. Mamaw doesn't show any signs and she's the age her mother was when the disease started to take her from us. The author of this book wrote it over a period of several months, beginning when he himself was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. There are sections that are repetitive, others confusing. It's terrifying being aware you're losing your mind and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot
This was book One. I resisted Book Two at Lisa's Book Nook... I own this book already but it was six hours away at home so I gave in and bought it during my third trip to a book store. It was just as cute as I remember and I'll be working my way through the entire series from here. (I'm re-reading a lot of books I read when I was younger simply because I no longer remember them.)

All-American Girl by Meg Cabot
This book was so cute, another quick read for me. I've decided I'm going to work my way through all of Meg Cabot's books and I'm glad I started with this one.

Ready or Not by Meg Cabot, sequel to All-American Girl
I'm a bit more prudish than your average American girl, I realize that. Whether it's because of my sheltered upbringing or this "archaic tradition" of waiting for marriage that I'm upholding, I was still shocked at the topic broached by this book and how, er, it approached them. Still, it was fun to revisit the characters of a book I'd already finished. I ran across this sequel the day after I read the first book and nearly left it on the shelf at Lisa's.

How to Be Popular by Meg Cabot
Another Meg Cabot! Didn't think I was serious about reading them all, did you? Anyways, this was another cute book, another quick read. I read 4 of this author's books in 2 days--I'm not sure if that gives you a sense of how quickly I read or a better sense of her target audience (young adult).

Victorian Fairy Tales: The Revolt of the Fairies and Elves, edited by Jack David Zipes
I've read two stories from this book so far and am currently paused on Cinderella. I love how each story begins with a short background of the author and context in which that particular tale was chosen to represent the era.

I also am still reading North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell and picked up a couple of Jane Austen related books (one on Jane Austen herself and another "fall in love with Mr. Darcy" type things).

Considering it's 3am I better get to bed. I've written too much on a topic that would just be a list of books read on someone else's blog. Inexplicably, I have an intense desire to discuss everything I've read.

And I promise, The Cardboard Incident doesn't deserve an entry all it's own. It's just a piece of cardboard that hitched a ride on the front of the car in Sacramento and didn't dislodge until traffic came to a halt in Stockton because of an accident. The only way I could get rid of that darned piece of cardboard was to come to a dead stop. I prayed the entire time it was stuck to the grill in hopes it wouldn't hit someone's windshield and cause a collision--I just couldn't find an easy off-ramp/on-ramp to take care of the situation sooner. My dad didn't think it needed another thought but I'm sorry, anything deemed a potential hazard causes me a bit more anxiety than the average driver.

The Sound of Silence

Well, that was an experience! Yesteday marks the first time I drove that many miles, or that many hours, without switching off with someone else. I've made the trip a hundred times but I've mostly been lucky enough to sleep through chunks of it (or all of it when I was younger!), which of course makes it quicker. This time my dad was the lucky one--he snored through 2/3's of the trip!

I saw a lot of interesting things, and a lot of boring things. For instance, at the Westley rest stop I saw a cat on a leash. I've heard people do that, but have never seen it. It's pretty brilliant if you know you have to take them on a long carride. The poor creature doesn't have to sit in a crate the entire time and can crawl partly up a tree for some fresh air. (I, personally, would not have allowed my cat up a tree, no matter how low. How do you know it's not going to get so high you can't get it back down!?) I also saw an enormous shaggy dog at the same park, but failed to take a photo as I'd already put my zoom lens away. I'm not sure what it was, but it was grey and large, and not at all fat. I'll have to do some research on that later.

The weirdest thing I encountered was when I was going 70 miles per hour down the highway. I saw this strange shape flying at the car, a long skinny thing hooked into the one below it by the rear end. My eyes focused on the object before it smoothly drifted away from my windshield. Yes, I had seen the miracle of nature porn: dragonfly sex. I later saw the largest one I've ever seen fly past my window when I drove up to my grandparents house. Mamaw then found one that had died on the porch--it had 3 wings so I'm not sure if it died from the heat or if it was something that had snipped the wing off.

I've been sheltered from the heat most of the day. I slept about 12 hours (I always sleep a lot on Saturdays, and with the trip it made me that much more exhausted) and I'm glad I brought my beautiful Target blankets with me. They're perfect to snuggle in. And the bed! Oh! It's heaven! I slept in the middle of the bed, sank in just so, and with the fan going it was just bliss. Comments have been made regarding my rainbow toenail polish but I've chosen to ignore them. I'm suddenly into COLOR! and I'm going to embrace it. The colors make me happy lately and just brighten up the room.

It's a relief that I can check my email from here. I know that's not what you're supposed to do on vacation but there's a peace of mind being able to make sure I can forward something on to someone if it needs to be taken care of faster. Then I logged onto my personal email...with 500 messages. Most of which is junk mail, but a pain to have to delete. Again, I'm still happy to have the ability to check it from here. Can you imagine how much junk I would have to delete after I got home if I didn't get to rifle through it here first?

Right now I'm uploading the last bit of my photos to my flickr. I took only a few yesterday, and even more today. I'm disappointed I slept so much today--it passed so quickly!--but am looking forward to the point when it sinks in that I don't have to go to work for an entire week!

The quiet up here is amazing. I haven't heard any sirens and the only policemen I saw were CHP's who had pulled speeders over on the way up. It's just so serene. For example, the only sounds I hear now are crickets, a fan, and Papaw humming. I wish my hometown was so peaceful.

Words, Books & Writing

I love words. It’s not that I have an obsession with them; it’s just that they’re everywhere. I love the English language and the meaning simple letters can convey if they’re placed in a particular order. Letters written in the style of Jane Austen makes me swoon while misplaced punctuation kills the mood and makes me cringe.

Out of all of my out-of-control collections, the books are the worst. I don’t make enough time for reading but I have stacks of books just the same. I intend to read them, and that’s enough.

My shelves are packed with books, my “stool” that allows the old dog to climb onto the end of my bed is a bin weighed down with books that has to be pushed out of the way to get to the dresser’s bottom drawers. The space under my desk where my legs should fit is boarded up by books and my “new” suitcase from Goodwill is in front of my closet, loaded with Meg Cabot books. They’re stacked on chairs, squeezed between boxes at the end of my bed and balanced on top of the small television. At times they spill out into the hallway, pushed in towers against the wall for support, or sit on the kitchen table.

I can’t stay away from the written word. I have a growing list of blogs bookmarked on my computer and have twitter applications installed in my browsers, as well as receiving twitters to my phone. I email myself the names of books while I’m out to add to my at-capacity PaperBackSwap and Amazon wish lists.

And it doesn’t stop there—I won’t go into my inability to stop myself from buying a new journal or notebook even though the ones I own are no where near being filled. And the notecards, the stationary! The long lost art of letter writing is not practiced often enough in my house to account for my inability to walk away from adorable paper.

I have other collections, other obsessions, all that have nothing or something to do with writing. Crayons and coloring books are stored in my closet, Titanic memorabilia is displayed on my bookshelves in front of my books and I don’t yet have a bag to store my photography gear in.

I have an impulse shopping problem, your typical American “I want it, and I want it now!” attitude, one that has me juggling bills and allowing my family to edit or buy my thrift store purchases. Both my partners in crime, my mom and my sister, have told me the one thing they won’t deprive me of are books, no matter how many I’ve picked out.

This love of reading and writing, this gobbling of text, is ingrained in me. My family supports my addition and I, in turn, support theirs. It’s in my blood.

I admit I’m not perfect in the writing department. I’m an out-of-practice “English nazi” who is obsessively checking the local junior college schedule every semester hoping the Grammar & Punctuation class falls at night. I have plans to retake English classes and creative writing classes afterwards, with aspirations of some day obtaining a Masters in English or Journalism—something, anything, to do with writing.

I was frustrated at myself for taking the easy way out at college—I enrolled online so I could keep the job I had and earned my degree in Management. I worked hard for it, I know because I had to do all the work!, but I wasn’t happy. My schooling wasn’t interesting to me. My heart just wasn’t in the subject matter.

I’ve long expressed my most ardent desire to become an author, of which the drive behind it has been sorely lacking, partly due to the aforementioned college degree. My imperfect grammar and my overuse of commas need to be controlled, not to mention my rusty writing. I’m also very undisciplined and so out of the habit of writing that at times I’m nervous to start.

Not everyone struggles to write. I’m the type of people whose emails often exceed letter length and head straight for novel-writing. I’m sure I’ve scared more than my fair share of correspondents. For me, it’s just something that can’t be helped. A quick note for me means a minimum of two paragraphs and a few scattered sentences. I can hardly cram my thoughts into 140 characters on Twitter. The issue is what I write.

I enjoy reading Harry Potter, Jane Austen, Meg Cabot, Jane Green and the Mark of the Lion Triology. I love fading into the world beyond the words on a page and losing myself in the fantasy that sentences create in my head. I’m constantly amazed by the skill songwriters have when I sing my favorite songs in the car and their ability to express feelings so gorgeously. But when it’s my turn, I freeze.

I’m so intimidated by what the authors I read have created that I’m terrified that what I write won’t live up to those standards. My entire life I’ve wanted to write. I can’t go a day without writing something—a blog, an email, a tweet, even scribbling notes to myself. I enjoy shoving notebooks in my purse so if inspiration strikes I’m prepared—though it hardly ever comes.

I almost feel as if I’ve closed off part of my imagination because I figure whatever is going to be written is already written, and who wants to read what I write? Or that I’m lying when I write a story, especially if someone finds it and doesn’t realize what it is. Even worse—I fear I’m no good. So, for now, I stick with the old adage, “write what you know.” I journal when I get the nerve, or sketch out a quick script for YouTube. Even to-do lists ease that ache in my fingers of having to write something down, anything. It’s just not enough.

I’m about to take a week-long trip to see my grandparents. Not unlike other aspiring writers, I’m currently flat broke. I don’t plan on shopping excursions so as to avoid putting any expenses on plastic and I’m hoping to get in some quality reading time. I’ve also made a list of subjects to journal about and have been eyeing a notebook to bring with me to write in. I’m going to force myself to take this opportunity to try and fill it, bad grammar, unimaginative subjects and all.

Celebrities on Twitter

I've heard some people are disgusted with Twitter, especially with people following celebrities on there. It can make it easier to "stalk" them, I guess. I don't know--I live far from any celebrity, except John Steinbeck & he's buried six feet under. But, in defense, isn't that the point?

Not stalking, exactly, but knowing what celebrities are up to. I follow friends on Twitter, family... I love Twitter. Instead of texting ten different people at once to tell them something, I can text to one place and they'll all see it. It's very convent, especially since it works on the most basic level on my very basic cell phone. I don't have to have an iPhone to make it work (that's a whole 'nother wish!)

I myself follow celebrities because I think it's an interesting look into their personalities. I have this bad habit of viewing celebrities as a kind of character, putting them on pedestals. I've met a couple in my life and I'm always surprised at how human they are. It's hard to remember they could be a friend if they weren't famous. Twitter brings them down to my level for me--they're just doing something with their lives I'm not and they're better known for it. And I like getting to know them a bit better through Twitter.

Even better, the stalking point is useless because only celebrities who want to utilize this new technology are using it, and they'll say whatever they want, whenever they want--it's not an interview, they're not there to specifically promote one thing, and they have control over their own information. (Unless you're Nick Carter, who posted his phone number...And yes, judge me if you wish, but I follow all the Backstreet Boys. It's a weakness. For about ten years now...Eep. Scratch that. Twelve.)

Here's a sample of a few celebrities I follow on Twitter, and why:

Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) I love Hannah Montana. I enjoy things that make me happy, and this show is one of those things. There's a fun aspect to Disney Channel shows that most adult shows lack, and an innocence that has long been lost in a society where premarital sex, and promiscuity in general, is rampant. I don't have to worry about watching any of that in front of other people, whether something inappropriate is going to be shown and embarrass men, and I enjoy that lack of inappropriateness. Hannah Montana has become one of my favorite shows, and I enjoy Miley Cyrus and think it's fun to follow her.

Jon McLaughlin (@JonMcLaughlin) One of my favorite singers--it's fun to see how close your favorite artists get to your hometown, if they've been somewhere you have, or if they enjoy a particular part of a town they're in. For example, I got to see a photo of Joey McIntyre riding a cable car in San Fransisco from his eyes, not the paparazzi's, and it's somewhere I've been and something I want to do. How cool is that?

Meg Cabot (@megcabot) Author of The Princess Diaries. I'm an aspiring author and I love anything written by her that I've read. It's fun to follow her when she posts about anything she posts about, photos, and her sense of humor is great.

Nathan Fillion (@nathanfillion) I'm a Browncoat, a Firefly obsessed fan. And before that recent discovery about myself, I'll watch anything with Mr. Fillion in it anyways. So yes, I do get a bit of a fangirl squee! out of any gorram mention, or Serenity figurine propped up on his windowsill.

Amber Benson (@amber_benson) Actress, best known as Tara, Willow's girlfriend on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. One of the best things I love about Twitter is the chance fans have to directly interact with their favorite celebrities. And the fact that these celebrities actually write back! It's awesome to me and I think any celebrity that takes the time to stop and answer one of their fans is amazing. I don't even answer everyone that asks me a question, and I'm not famous. That, and I know how fun it is to receive an answer from a celebrity (no matter what form they're famous on... Micheal Buckley, from his YouTube "What the Buck" show, answered one of my tweets and you'd have thought I'd have met him in person).

In short, I think following on celebrities is fun. When I answer one, I don't expect an answer. It's just fun to! Part of life is having fun, being a dork, and embracing how weird you are. Besides, you never know when a celebrity might actually answer back.

Why do you follow celebrities on Twitter? And who?

PaperBackSwap

This website has changed my life. I know I keep talking about it, but I'm completely in love with it! Not only am I able to send off a lot of books that I don't want without having to donate them, but I get to choose something for it in return. The ability to print postage right on the label is just amazing. I know it seems a little silly, but I'm just glad I don't have to print a shipping label, then turn around and print a separate label for postage.

My only complaint with that are the label options it allows when you print postage. You can print the label in the middle of the page, which works well if you're wrapping it around a small book, but not if you're printing on labels. I like to choose the option that prints the information at the top so it fits on one label of a two-sticker/label sheet. The problem with this is there's a paperbackswap.com logo that prints on the 2nd one, creating a wasted label.

I messed with the settings the last time I mailed something and learned how to print just a selection of a PDF. The problem with that is it automatically centers the selection instead of centering it at the top. Which meant I had to mess with the settings some more. I cut the label sheet in half, popped it in sideways, and printed it like it was printing on an index card. It's the only way I could figure out how to do it without wasting the 2nd label. (Mom! I hope you didn't throw my note away for that! I think I left it on your desk.)

I just got a couple of new books in the mail Monday and Tuesday.
Monday I received When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric Ludy & Leslie Ludy. The 2nd book of their love story is on hold, and hopefully I will get that one as well. (The only books I've had cancelled on me were a Titanic Audio CD, which was stolen off the person's desk before they could mail it to me, as well as a Disney book where my request simply expired because the person didn't log on to accept the request--so I re-requested it, and it's now on it's way to me.)

I'm also trying to let credits sit there. I need to get rid of the mindset that just because I have credits doesn't mean I have to request books right away, especially since I just requested a whole slew of books that I can't possibly finish reading within the next month. I requested so many a couple of weeks ago that I had to buy credits to request the books I put on my wish list.

I'm working on that, though. I want at least one credit to sit there so if something from my wish list comes up I have a credit to use instead of spending the money (although at about $3.45 a credit it's actually cheaper than buying books of eBay--everyone on eBay wants $3 for shipping, so even though a book might cost $1, it's still cheaper to request from PBS). Right now I have 1 credit because I requested 3 books for my mom.

That's what I love about this website--if I've sent off a book and paid $2.50 in media shipping, that's all it is going to cost me to buy another book. The Ghosts of the Abyss 3-d book I received yesterday is amazing! I never would have spent the money to buy it myself full price. That's why I love this site. I can request books I wouldn't pay full price for but want to read.

As a side note, I still have a tendency to drop $100 in one trip to the book store, so in no way is this website actually making bookstores lose money. I've spent several hundred dollars in the past year on books at thrift stores and bookstores. Some of these books that I refuse to pay full price for include children's books. It can be $15 for a simple children's book, with ten pages! It's just a shock to my system. So now I pick them up at thrift stores, or PBS.

Three books I just requested are by Cornelia Funke, author of the Inkheart triolgy. My mom read all three books, I've read the first and my sister is working on the third, I believe. It's an excellent series, very well written, and my mom is interested in reading her other books. I priced them in the store, however, it's just too much for me to spend on books that are not as long as the Inkheart triology. The Inkheart books are very long and the others she wrote are not. So I requested them on PBS.

The three books I requested are:
Dragon Rider
The Thief Lord (co author with Oliver Latsch)
Ghosthunters And The Gruesome Invincible Lightning Ghost

The Ghosthunters book is one of four in that series, the remaining three I put on my WishList.

I'm sorry I'm so obsessed with books at the moment! But I'm really enjoying this break from television (although hockey doesn't count...I miss my Sharks!).

Do you have any books you recommend I read? The only type of books I would prefer not reading are science fiction (fantasy is ok--think Spiderwick or Harry Potter), blood/guts (true crime, fake crime), and trashy romance novels (and I say that with love--my cousin reads them). I don't really like law-type books, but John Grisham's The Chamber was so enjoyable for me that I don't want to scratch it off the list completely.

What the Buck & My Name

I am a computer nerd. I'm the first to admit it. Part of the reason is because I'm home a lot. Not much of the reason, because I'm a computer nerd anyway, but part. And I'm on YouTube a lot. No, I don't post videos, except maybe the random video of forcing my dog to do something cute, but not enough to say I'm a poster, but I do watch videos on there like crazy.

One of my favorite YouTubers is WhatTheBuck. I "attended" my first live show, where I wasn't early enough to be one of the 150 people in the chat room while he did his video, and where I wasn't knowledgeable enough to know that you could win his autograph if you signed up for it in the forum (heck, I didn't know he had a forum!) but since then I am. Yes, for the last, oh, two hours or so. But it still counts.

Anyways, it was so much fun! And so random. I started to watch one of his live shows and never finished it because I got bored. I think it was too "old" for me in that when he does a live show he talks about recent things--for example, in tonight's episode he asked if Ugly Betty was new tonight. The live show is a little long for me to watch after the fact, however, the live show is an hour long and he cuts it down to 1/2 an hour before he posts so I might end up watching some in the future (I am an addict for his YouTube videos, though, so don't let that stop you from checking those out!).

Some highlights from the video: Val, my beloved sister, you have to check out minute 8:02 in the "Buck in a dress & Handstand" video, which was tonight's episode. Yeah, I know he wasn't talking to YOU, but when no one ever means me when I hear "Dawn" in a song and I get a kick out of it anyway.

AND HE SAID MY NAME! Well, my username. Even better? It made the video cut! And I don't care that he pronounced it wrong--honestly, he's the first person that actually has ever tried to pronounce it the way it's spelled. Most people say 'Ti-tan-ik-uh." Which is almost what I chose, titanica, but it's not. I pronounced it "see-uh," however my mom was kind enough to point out, "you spelled it ik-uh." So I changed it to the spelling she suggested. See where the "i" is placed? It's after the i, so titancia is actually "Ti-tan-see-uh."

Buck reads my tweet at 20:50: "ti-tan-ee-see-uh." Seriously, that's the closest anyone's ever gotten to pronouncing my username correctly. Gold star for you, Buck! (I don't think I realized how difficult it would be for people to pronounce my username when I chose it several years ago, and I ended up using it for a slew of different websites, including the Josh Groban forum. When I started going to meet-n-greets I learned it can be hard for people to say. This is where I say "At least my real name is easy to pronounce!" but really--I can't tell you how many times I've been called Donna or Dawna. One sub in highschool even called me "Down."

So! My whole five minutes of fame from Buck's live show:
Ti-tan-ee-see-uh writes, "flip flip BUG EYES!" Did I say flip flip bug eyes?" Oh, we're all gonna fight about it!

If you don't watch anything else in the video, watch that! Remember: 20:50. (Make sure the marker is a little before so you don't miss it!) And I'll let you in on a little secret. Before I posted that on Twitter I wanted to make sure I was right. So I watched the very end of his video on YouTube, then posted on Twitter, so in case Buck read my tweet, I'd be right. Because I'm paranoid like that, yo.

Tonight, though, was a lot of fun and I'll be trying to catch as many of his live shows if I happen to remember (anyone who knows me knows if you want to remember something, you don't ask me to remind you).

P.S. See my icon? I haven't touched my icons since I logged back onto LJ since...last July? This has been on there since way before then. Let it be known I've thought this boy was hot since Harry Potter. I didn't jump on the Twilight bandwagon because of the books--no, I decided to watch the movie because I found out he was in it, and I loved him in HP and cried buckets when he died, in the movie & in the book.

The movie came out in November, and my cousin was like, read the books before it comes out! So I did, right before the last book came out August 2. All four of them, in like one weekend (I bought the last book for my cousin to surprise her with and got so caught up in the books the previous week that by the time she got it I had read all four books in about three days--the last book came out on a Saturday and I brought it into work for her that Monday...

I'd like to state for the record they really weren't that good, and they were a fast read, and to this day I cannot explain why I like the books or the movie--HP is much better quality in both film & novel, but at least I have Cedric to look at again! And this time the boy ain't gonna be killed by no Voldemort!

P.P.S. Remember how I said I'm addicted to Paperbackswap.com? (use referral name titancia if you sign up!!) I got two three four new books this week! I got a Disney Treasury book which is a big kid's book, but I'm too cheap to pay for it and I still wanted it (I've got 3 other ones so it's for my collection of those), the first Sookie Stackhouse novel (my sister is reading that first, I might eventually get to it) and two "self-help" books came today:

Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry by Lisa Bevere. I'm a little unsure what this book is about but it's definitely relating to promiscuity and waiting for marriage. If you don't already know, you do now!, I'm waiting to have sex until I get married which means yes, I am a virgin. It's a personal decision for me, one that I made back in high school and one that I was blessed enough to make before I started sleeping with anyone. Which, let's make it clear, means I have not slept with anyone.

So I thought the book might be interesting. I'm not sure if it has to do with waiting until marraige or if it is more geared towards women who aren't virgins but is encouraging them to stop having sex and waiting for marriage. In any case, I thought I'd find it interesting (I already said that...oh well!) I'll let you know more of what it's about after I figure out what it's about!

I also received Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight by Karen Scalf Linamen, of which I just got the play on wordiness of as I typed out the title. Yes, I am that oblivious, that is nothing new! This book has "fifty-two powerful actions you can apply to any changes you long to embrace." It's another book that sounded interesting and I thought I might take something away from it, even if it's not 52 things it's gotta be worth a shot. Again, I'll let you know how that goes.

The past couple of days I finished reading Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech. I remember reading it as a young girl but I honestly couldn't tell you what it was about. As I read it I felt like I was reading it for the first time. The only thing I remembered about it when I found a copy (at either Savers or Goodwill) was the image I held of the cover in my head. When I got to the end there were a couple things that tickled my memory, but did nothing more than that.

I remember loving it when I was younger and even though I'm reading a young adult novel at 25, I loved it just the same and hope some day to have a little girl to pass it on to to read. The ending was unexpected--which, I guess, is to be expected when you're reading it nearly fifteen years after the first time you read it. Seriously--this book came out in 1994, the year I turned 11.

One of the best parts of this book is it's stamped "RIF--Reading Is Fundamental" on the inside front cover. Did anyone else have that program at their elementary schools? That stamp totally takes me back to standing as a tiny girl next to two huge tables in the library full of books, and only getting to choose one.

I'm useless

I'm useless right now. I'm getting nothing done. Not for a week at least. I'm not getting anything done lately. I don't know why, either, I don't know why I can't get my umph up, but when I get home from work I just want to crash. Or do nothing. But not enough of something where I'll sit and actually DO something, like read or watch a movie. I just surf online, looking at photos.

My latest obsession is with PaperbackSwap.com. I've got a huge wishlist going, and have already requested and received several books, and posted a ton of others. Is anyone else on this website? I love it. And cheap! You send out books to others and pay postage, and when they send to you they pay postage, and it's media mail, so it's cheap.

Right now my mom and I are watching Twilight. It really is a bad movie. The special effects could have been better. But, just the same, the story sucks me in. And it doesn't help that the lead guy is hot (which, for the record, I have thought since my favorite Harry Potter movie, The Goblet of Fire. And, I think I write better than Stephanie Meyer. I have no idea how she's sucked in so many teenage girls with this story, and how it got so big. I blame my cousin for introducing me to the books, but why do I like it so much?

My sister and I have talked about this very thing. Perhaps it's the idea of the whole book. The idea of it is excellent, but it's the execution that lacks. See? In the middle of this post, I started paying attention to the movie instead of what I'm writing. Once they get the whole relationship thing going and stop with the "I can't be with you, but I want toooooo," it's less painful.

But, again, I am not being useful. I've got to write myself a to-do list and start getting stuff going. There's a lot of "projects" I want to do, but I need to work on a little at a time so that I can work towards actually getting things accomplished.

This Is My Life

I'm exhausted lately. My schedule is out of whack. My body wants to stay up late, my work schedule demands I get up early. I think this is why I changed my hours from going in at 6 to going in at 7 before--it's amazing what one more hour sleep does. Especially since I can't get myself to bed early.

I made a cake tonight for a coworker. I used 1 1/2 cans of frosting. It looks like a cupcake. It's huge. It's awesome. And I hope I can safely transport it to work tomorrow. Furthermore, I hope she likes it.

Also, perplexing things abound. My Winifred is afraid of the backyard. Something happened and I wish I knew what it was. A diving bombing crow? An errant zap of her collar? A bb gun purposely pointed at her by the neighborhood kids? Why is my little flufferball afraid to run in the backyard like she once was? She is dead near frightened to go back there, and begs me to pick her up. We spent half an hour sitting in the backyard today. Just sitting. And she was smack up against my leg the whole time. This is very unusual for her--she's never stuck to me like glue. We didn't have the correct kind of bonding time when I first brought her home, which was entirely my fault, and I've paid for it ever since. So when she attaches to me like velcro, I know something is wrong. What scares my outside girl so much she would rather not go out alone? Even when the others trot back there to enjoy the weather?

Which, by the way, is absurd. It was melting hot on Monday & Tuesday, and today it's flippin' freezing! It was too hot to do resin those days, too hot to move, and today it was too cold to do it! It dropped 30 degrees in 3 days. *shakes head* And people make fun of me when I grab a sweater "just in case!" in 100 degree heat. Just shows you where I come from.

I need to make myself a to-do list. I don't care how long it is, or what's on it, but it's something I used to do. I was way more productive when I had the satistfaction of crossing things off my list. I've been too lazy lately. I blame the exhaustion. I've got to get my stuff together! This cannot go on. If anything, I need to get on top of these blog posts! My sister puts me to shame. Not only does she post a lot on her blog alot, but she's writing awesome blogs.